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When I Die, Will I Get Better?

by Svalbard

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Vidur Paliwal
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Vidur Paliwal 'WID,WIGB?' shows a staggering level of artistic growth from Svalbard and is unquestionably their best output to date. The album offers a truly immersive experience by perfectly balancing the impact of both the serene and the chaotic moments. Review: metalwani.com/2020/09/review-svalbard-when-i-die-will-i-get-better.html Favorite track: Listen to Someone.
Owen W
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Owen W The combination of screamo and blackgaze on this album is incredibly complimentary, with both genre influences bringing out the best in each other. The soaring melodies are powerful enough that they made me cry before I even paid attention to the lyrics. Once I did, the writing about struggling with emotional pain, mental illness, and misogyny made the album even more devastating. And yet, there's catharsis in it. This is what I needed after a year like this. Favorite track: Silent Restraint.
electrohead
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electrohead I haven't been touched by an album like this for a long time! Goosebumps with every run! Thank You for this fantastic piece of art!
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1.
Open Wound 05:36
Strike me down with your beating wings and remind me what it's like to feel things I will not cower I want for no shield I am open like a wound To replace the fragments of myself with you I will bear the scars of the fool Every moment leaden Once again, we dance together in slow motion Once again, the ache returns Of precarious devotion Every moment leaden Strike me down with your beating wings and remind me what it's like to feel things I will not cower I want for no shield I am open like a wound To replace the fragments of myself with you I will bear the scars of the fool With faraway eyes And solemn brow Climb on top And push your weight down Place your hand Over my mouth And stop the words From coming out Leave me in a cage My foot on a tether And only return To pluck out all my feathers One by one Have you collected enough? One by one Are you done playing rough? This hurts too much to be love.
2.
Click Bait 05:46
How am I represented when I have no control? How is this a platform when you manipulate my words? It's not 'us versus them' It's not 'girls versus boys' It's not either / or This isn't a war Headline constructed To be a divisive As fucking possible And completely detached From the rest of the desperate click-bait article We are used as fodder To generate comments Because the presence of a woman Is apparently reactive FUCK OFF. I'm sick of being a stick for all the misogynistic bears you poke. A worm on the hook of the press Writhing in distress Your hate is their success I am merely the red flag To your fanbase of bulls I remain powerless I am sick of being the target of the abuse you try to provoke Headline constructed To be a divisive As fucking possible And completely detached From the rest of the desperate click-bait article We are used as fodder To generate comments Because the presence of a woman Still causes massive arguments FUCK OFF I'm sick of being a stick for all the misogynistic bears you poke. A worm on the hook of the press Writhing in distress Your hate is their success I am merely the red flag To your fanbase of bulls I remain powerless I am sick of being the target of the abuse you try to provoke One day you will write about us And it won't be dismissed as 'virtue signaling' And the piece won't be designed With generating comments in mind It won't be reactive It won't be a gender war One day, when I'm represented I will have control.
3.
Throw your heart away It's going to get broken anyway Feel the pain, just feel the pain. I dive headfirst into pitch black skies with reckless abandon and weary battle cries. Careless and loveless want to lay down and die Nothing inside but a dream of you tonight. And you bang on the crumbling wall of my mind I am perched on the end of your knife I am lost on the outskirts of your life. Just feel the pain in the name of love Just fill the soil in the grave of love I dive headfirst into pitch black skies with reckless abandon and weary battle cries. Careless and loveless want to lay down and die Nothing inside but a dream of you tonight. And you bang on the crumbling wall of my mind I am perched on the end of your knife I am lost on the outskirts of your life. The pieces will never come back together and your heart will never truly mend Trapped in a computer game I just keep dying And continuing again.
4.
Days without eating Days without sleeping Days without speaking The nights are the hardest When the voices are the loudest Days without eating Days without sleeping Days without speaking Don't tell me it's 'okay to not be okay' then wince at everything I say Don't act like a confidant if you're just going to get impatient and make patronizing suggestions It's not my life that's the problem It's me. Days without eating Days without sleeping Days without speaking If I could fix it like a broken limb, I would. If I could stop these thoughts and start again, I would. I would leap at the chance But the chance: it does not exist Some illnesses – they just have no fix. Listen to someone without judgment.
5.
I see you all Beyond this pain But I remain trapped With the monsters in my brain Please someone breakthrough this silent restraint Wish I could write from the heart and tell you what's wrong and put this gnawing into words But the path is blocked by a wall of glass I scream: and it just bounces back I waste away as I wait and wait just to smile again. So desperate for help that nothing helps I fail when I try to be my old self How do I fix it? How do I get better? Does anybody have an answer? I'm sick of feeling like a burden I'm sick of having no control I'm sick of always needing help I'm sick of being afraid of myself They say, they say You will smile again But it's not in the same way Not with the same joyful abandon There will be a barrier between your lips and your eyes And you'll wonder if they notice, the light that's fading over time. You will smile again as you try to convince yourself it's real You will keep forcing it Until forcing it is all you remember how to feel You will smile again For the sake of them It's just selflessness and depression Going hand in hand again.
6.
Is this too much? Is this not enough? If I don't cover up does that make it my fault? You have painted me so the clothes I am wearing speak louder than the things I am saying. And the only thing I can be is a prude or a whore “seeking attention” and nothing more. Showing flesh, showing flesh does not remove dignity Showing flesh, showing flesh, does not invalidate me. Why are we still being punished just for having a body? Why are we still being judged solely on our clothing? Showing flesh does not deserve shaming Showing flesh does not warrant blaming Why the hell must you ask what the victim was wearing? Why are our bodies seen as a bad thing? To be locked away in a misconception of purity. To be hidden like a guilty secret This is my skin This is the vessel I exist in It is not a sin My body is not a sin!
7.
Reduced to an image on a daily basis Reduced to an image like we have nothing else to give Reduced to an image on a daily basis Reduced to an image like there is nothing else of worth. I am not your trophy I am more than my body Not here to be your pretty face I am worth more than your gaze I do not owe you beauty Let me be a human being This shit needs to stop Acknowledge them beyond their looks Physical beauty isn't currency I am not more valuable if I am pretty Not here to be your fantasy I am not a prize to be won All these shallow things you treasure One day they will all be gone Physical beauty isn't currency I am not more valuable if I am pretty Does it even matter if we are wise? Do you listen when we speak our minds? Does it matter how hard we try? Do you hear us when we cry... WE DO NOT WANT TO BE OBJECTIFIED. Need to change the way we talk about girls Stop measuring them on such shallow terms Stop diminishing them to physical conquests Stop viewing them as empty objects. Stop fucking rating us Stop fucking hating us This isn't a pageant And it isn't a compliment To receive such shallow judgment.
8.
Pearlescent 03:27
Once impossible to reignite now I stand before the spark feeling the warmth seeing the light watching it mirror within your eyes I burn this flame for you so bright So quiet, yet intensive. I burn this flame for you when all hope remains elusive Even in the times when I have nothing left to give I will always promise this: For you I would die. For you I will live. For you I would die. For you I will live.

credits

released September 25, 2020

Produced by Lewis Johns @ The Ranch Production House, Southampton

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