1. |
Faking It
05:28
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There is an incredulousness
That accompanies my depressed existence
It asks how on earth I am getting through this
So how on earth am I getting through this?
The question repeats and repeats
I stare blankly in disbelief
How am I standing?
How am I alive?
How am I making it seem like it's fine?
The question repeats and repeats
Staring blankly in disbelief
At pictures of me
And I wonder, who is this?
I don't recognise that smile
How is it so convincing?
I don't recognise that life
Inside it feels like I am dying
It's weird to know I wasn't happy
That's just how I made it seem
An illusion of positivity
I will never live up to these lies
I will never be worth your time
I don't feel joy
I just fake it
I don't feel hope
I just fake it
I don't feel love
I just fake it
I don't feel real
Nothing is sacred
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2. |
Eternal Spirits
03:35
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Your legacy lives in our hearts
Every person you inspired to pick up an instrument
Every person who is still alive
Because of your words, of your songs, of your life
The passion you gave forever lives on
We carry your torch held high
Now that you are gone
The music you gave forever lives on
We carry your torch held high
Now that you are gone
Ash to ash
Dust to dust
You will always be alive in us
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3. |
Defiance
05:52
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Got a broken heart
Got an anxious mind
Got a hopeless voice inside
But I’m fighting
Yeah I’ve got a few knives
And a million scars
I know I’ve got to keep up my guard
When did it get so hard?
Sometimes I can’t lift my eyes
Above my tears
Sometimes I can’t see the light
Beyond my fears
Try to kill my drive but I’m fighting
Try to hold me down but I’m rising
Try to tell me I can’t do this but I’m trying
I’m fighting, I’m rising, I am defying
This battle is not insignificant
All I can do is carry on
And all I can do is keep on fighting
For every rejection
For every dismissal
For every time I was told
I’m not welcome
For every doubt
For every attack
Your hate is my weapon
I’m fighting back
Got a broken heart
Got an anxious mind
Got a helpless bind
And I’m losing time
Try to kill my drive
Try to make me drown
But when I am down
I’m fighting
Try to kill my drive
Try to make me doubt
Try to make me drown
But when I am down
I’m fighting
I’m rising
I am defying
And all I can do is keep on fighting
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4. |
November
04:56
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One bleak November
I remember
I stood too numb
To feel the chill of winter
My heart so dead and broken
Its pieces already frozen
Slumped against the barriers in my brain
Never feeling love
But never feeling pain
I vowed every day
That I wouldn't feel this bad again
How I try
I try and I try and I try to change
Yet the hollow ache remains
I grit my teeth to feign my way
Head down, barriers up
Nothing can pierce through an armour this tough
Head down, barriers up
Nothing will ever come close to my heart
And I'm sad that I'm freezing over
And I'm sad that I'm turning to stone
When your eyes they are like embers
But your light makes me feel more alone
You remind me of a warmth from so very long ago
You remind me of a love that I will never know.
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5. |
Lights Out
05:28
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Ashes of love
Clutched in my shaking, weary, hollow hands
I am too depressed to show you how depressed I really am
It feels beyond expression
The weight of the mask buries me into silence
And no one can tell
The light inside me is out
Screaming for help whilst muting myself
Trapped in a secret mental hell
Where destructive fires burn
Striking a match
Under the mask
Burning myself again
Hating myself
Hurting myself
Muting myself again
I am too depressed to show you how depressed I am
Ashes of love, clutched in my shaking, weary, hollow hands
It feels beyond expression
The weight of the mask buries me into silence
And no one can tell
The light in me is out
I'm screaming for help whilst I'm muting myself
Trapped in a secret mental hell
Where destructive fires burn
I'm not alive and I'm wasting my turn
So strike the match cos I will never learn
Forever and ever this fire will burn
Everything reduced to ashes and I am the urn
I am the hollow urn
I am the urn
Everything reduced to ashes and I am the urn
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6. |
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Can't let you see
What my love for you
Has done to me
Don't break the spell
I'll never tell
Why we won't drown
If we swim down
Go.
Fight.
I will heal you.
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7. |
Be My Tomb
04:55
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Is that really the goal
To be so numb
That I won't feel sorrow?
As if the demands drown out the loneliness
As if I can outrun isolation
As if I weigh less than the gloom
Is that really the goal
To build a switch
To turn my tears off?
To block everything in favour of nothingness
To master how to live as loveless
In a house of empty rooms
I kneel on the floor
I plead at the walls
Please don't let this be my tomb
If I can't remember any of this
Why am I doing anything?
At least I was distracted
At least I felt less
Oh how that is such a defeated wish!
To hope for numbness
To long for nothingness
To want for anything but this.
Is that really the goal
To build a switch
To turn my tears off?
To block everything for numbness
To master how to live as loveless
In a house of empty rooms
I kneel on the floor
I plead at the walls
Please don't let this be my tomb
Please don't let this be my tomb
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8. |
Pillar In The Sand
04:18
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How long have I known this place?
In year after year of autumnal days
Where I walk through rain and haze
But I close my eyes
I know the way
Toward my pillar in the sand
My heart feels different in this land
Like putting on a friendship band
The memories come flooding back
Of laughing hours
And thornless flowers
Cheeks flushed beneath electric towers
With careless abandon
And my dearest companions
Beneath a skyline with no comparison
I sigh relief and I feel safe
I know my sentiment is not misplaced
And when I leave we never part
Because here will always be my heart.
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9. |
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As I stand here all I see
Is everything I left behind me
Everything I sacrificed
So much loss for just one fragile cause
I worked so hard but it doesn't work
So much loss for just one fragile cause
A flower wilting beneath the weight of this sinking ship
It pulls me down
It pulls me down away from you
And the loneliness it makes me stupid
Completely at the mercy
Of every form of insincerity
Maintaining this illusion makes me manic and weak
So I guess all that's left is for me to grit my teeth
Grit my teeth when they've just been broken
Soldier on in the face of fear
Too much is all it takes to be here
How much will it cost to persevere?
A flower wilting beneath the weight of this sinking ship
I can't keep drowning for this
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Svalbard Bristol, UK
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